Life
I've never felt such an urge to talk in my life. I just need to though for some reason this time. I'll be honest, this feeling is kicking my ass to put it lightly.
I never had to deal with a break up before, until now at least. It's a really new feeling for me. It gives me a lot to think about though. Lots of questions, and memories. It makes me wonder what went wrong too. Whether I did something wrong, or the tides simply had a change. It's a real neat subject to ponder, really.
I just find it awkward. Almost a whole year built around one person, and now well, it just seems gone. It's going to be a hard thing to not run up to her and grab her whenever I feel like I need a hug or a kiss or just some attention. I think that is one of the hard things to really get my mind around. That last hug and kiss... it's annoying to think that I can never have that again. I'm left with that great feeling one last time, and the fact that well, I'll never have it again. Along with that, I'm left with a lot of uncertainty about myself. She says I didn't do anything wrong, but I can't help but not wonder or worry about it.
On the other hand though, the last 11 months of my life have been great, fantastic, phenomenal, and a large amount of words I don't know that describe the pure bliss I felt through my relationship. Even bad times were still okay cause I had somebody to be with. It's nice to know that I got to have that feeling for so long and that I shared it with somebody. The memories are in one sense a little bitter, but mainly sweet. I just hope that she can do well with her next love. I hope next time that well, everything will work out somehow and some way. I guess in the end though, I'm just glad she is happy. That's all that really matters in the end. And well, as long as I have that satisfcation of knowing she's happy, I'll find a way to make sure I am too eventually.
On that note, it's time to end this entry. It'll be a weird thing to come back to and read somebody. Maybe this will be silly, but it seems to make sense right now.
I never had to deal with a break up before, until now at least. It's a really new feeling for me. It gives me a lot to think about though. Lots of questions, and memories. It makes me wonder what went wrong too. Whether I did something wrong, or the tides simply had a change. It's a real neat subject to ponder, really.
I just find it awkward. Almost a whole year built around one person, and now well, it just seems gone. It's going to be a hard thing to not run up to her and grab her whenever I feel like I need a hug or a kiss or just some attention. I think that is one of the hard things to really get my mind around. That last hug and kiss... it's annoying to think that I can never have that again. I'm left with that great feeling one last time, and the fact that well, I'll never have it again. Along with that, I'm left with a lot of uncertainty about myself. She says I didn't do anything wrong, but I can't help but not wonder or worry about it.
On the other hand though, the last 11 months of my life have been great, fantastic, phenomenal, and a large amount of words I don't know that describe the pure bliss I felt through my relationship. Even bad times were still okay cause I had somebody to be with. It's nice to know that I got to have that feeling for so long and that I shared it with somebody. The memories are in one sense a little bitter, but mainly sweet. I just hope that she can do well with her next love. I hope next time that well, everything will work out somehow and some way. I guess in the end though, I'm just glad she is happy. That's all that really matters in the end. And well, as long as I have that satisfcation of knowing she's happy, I'll find a way to make sure I am too eventually.
On that note, it's time to end this entry. It'll be a weird thing to come back to and read somebody. Maybe this will be silly, but it seems to make sense right now.
posted by dswain at
8/30/2006 09:41:00 PM
6 Comments:
hey man, i know it's probably not really my business to comment on this, but unfortunately i know how you feel right now so i'm going to anyway. i'm really sorry to hear you guys are over. if it's any consolation, from reading this i think you're handling it as best as could be. i guess the best thing i can really tell you is that it's always kind of a shock at first, but in time everything will be okay--better, in fact, for what you've had.
the hardest thing is to accept that stuff just happens, and to move on.. but sometimes that's all that can be done. i found this lyric, and maybe it won't mean as much to you as it does to me, but it's been helping me a lot to read:
hearts aren't made of glass...
they're made of muscle, blood--and something else
and they don't so much as break
as bend and tear
we have what it takes to keep it together, and move on.
again i'm sorry if i'm kind of overstepping, but if you still need someone to talk to you can always feel free to talk to me.
and if she said it wasn't your fault it probably wasn't, you're a great guy. shit like this is just a part of growing up.
By
mk, at 8/31/2006 2:33 PM
Thanks a lot. Yeah, I understand that things change and such. I really, honestly do, it's just the shock I guess. I really didn't think anything was wrong too much, but I was apparently mistaken. I guess in time I'll understand, though. I have for other things... I guess it's just another one.
Once again though, thanks for the words of encouragement. Sometimes you've just gotta be straightforward and honest with the truth.
By
dswain, at 8/31/2006 4:54 PM
Sorry I Was bored and I read ur blog. When I read it I thought of something. Someone once told me "Some 'loves' might come and go, but remember a 'true' love will never break and will last forever".. so yeah thats all I have to say. Um, yeah.
By
Anonymous, at 8/31/2006 7:59 PM
I suppose that's true... we got back together tonight haha. Crazy ride my friends, crazy ride.
You could have left a name though. I would have appreciated it.
By
dswain, at 8/31/2006 11:21 PM
aw, yay!
best false alarm ever?
By
mk, at 9/01/2006 6:02 PM
That's how I would describe it =)
It wasn't really a false alarm, but rather a change of perspective I suppose.
By
dswain, at 9/01/2006 7:22 PM
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