Life

I've never felt such an urge to talk in my life. I just need to though for some reason this time. I'll be honest, this feeling is kicking my ass to put it lightly.

I never had to deal with a break up before, until now at least. It's a really new feeling for me. It gives me a lot to think about though. Lots of questions, and memories. It makes me wonder what went wrong too. Whether I did something wrong, or the tides simply had a change. It's a real neat subject to ponder, really.

I just find it awkward. Almost a whole year built around one person, and now well, it just seems gone. It's going to be a hard thing to not run up to her and grab her whenever I feel like I need a hug or a kiss or just some attention. I think that is one of the hard things to really get my mind around. That last hug and kiss... it's annoying to think that I can never have that again. I'm left with that great feeling one last time, and the fact that well, I'll never have it again. Along with that, I'm left with a lot of uncertainty about myself. She says I didn't do anything wrong, but I can't help but not wonder or worry about it.

On the other hand though, the last 11 months of my life have been great, fantastic, phenomenal, and a large amount of words I don't know that describe the pure bliss I felt through my relationship. Even bad times were still okay cause I had somebody to be with. It's nice to know that I got to have that feeling for so long and that I shared it with somebody. The memories are in one sense a little bitter, but mainly sweet. I just hope that she can do well with her next love. I hope next time that well, everything will work out somehow and some way. I guess in the end though, I'm just glad she is happy. That's all that really matters in the end. And well, as long as I have that satisfcation of knowing she's happy, I'll find a way to make sure I am too eventually.

On that note, it's time to end this entry. It'll be a weird thing to come back to and read somebody. Maybe this will be silly, but it seems to make sense right now.

Classes are In

It's set in stone: the schedules have arrived. If any Hackettstown kids are reading this, go ahead and tell me if we have any of the same classes. If not, sucks for you!

=P

Semester 1:
Computer Apps 2: Bowers
AP Physics: Mac
AP Chemistry: Wilhelm
Senior Project: Antinoche

Semester 2:
Honors Calc: Sloan
CP World Lit: Hemberger
Gym: Thomas
Early Dismissal

Looks like it'll be an interesting year...

Computing Madness

This summer has by far been one of my more involved computing summers I've had. It's probably a bad thing to be honest... not going out and doing things. Then again though, I did a lot of my computing at work, so that makes it a little different. I also managed to do a lot of other things this summer too, so I guess it wasn't entirely "wasted" away.

Anyway, so I've been into a lot of stuff these days. Basically, whatever catches my interest at a certain moment I try out. For example, today I decided to play around with VMware Server. VMware is a nice program which allows you to create shells for multiple OSes under one OS. The "host" OS is the actual installed OS on the machine, while the "Guest" OS are the shells you create and install the OSes to. It allows you preallocate disk space and memory to each Guest OS, and allows for fairly simple network setup. You can fake out the Guest OS to use DHCP and really just be binding to the Host OS IP address for use by selecting the right option. It's a real nice thing to just be able to run whatever OS you want real quickly without a huge partitioning scheme, reboots, potential data loss, and so on.

I've also been doing a fair amount of programming. Messing around with a lot of shell scripting languages like some more bash stuff and also more recently TCL/TK which has been a blast. TK has been one of the only ways I've been able to write usable/working GUI's. Maybe Tk will help me understand GUI programming concepts better for other languages, but I never felt right with GUI programming except with Tk. I've made some neat front ends such as ones for mpd/mpc, and also pacman. Kinda fun stuff to mess around with, and not completely text-based anymore. Allows for better portability also which is always a plus!

So, as you can see, I've been busy computing away. Somebody better get me out of my room quick... I just bought myself a new 19" monitor (to go along with the other one) so shit could get hairy. Apparently I might need to get my video card replaced, but honestly that's another story.

That concludes my rant. Later folks.

-dswain

Wow I Dropped The Ball

Hah wow folks who read this... you've been left hanging.

Sorry about that one.

Well summer is over hahah. Man it went by so fast... oh so fast. My friend and I were talking about it again... as we do every year. Summer is great for the most part, but there always comes one day in August where it starts to get suddenly cool. It literally can happen in the matter of a day. And it's not a bitter cold either... more like that nice warmness you feel on that first unofficial day of spring. It hits you, and you almost instantly start to feel awful. Hah I shouldn't say that as things have been pretty alright for myself, but you just know right away without even really focusing on it: Summer's doors are coming to a close.

There's an irony to this years feeling though. Yes, you still have that same "Summer's ending: This sucks!" type of sensation, but it hits you suddenly that well, "Wow, I'm never gonna have this feeling again." Which one is worse? I'd say the latter of the two to be honest. It's surprising too when it hits you.

I wonder a lot about what's going to happen next, but I guess I can't be sure. I hope everything works out for the best. The future is coming fast, so I guess the best thing you can say is "Hold onto your shit," or maybe the epic classic quote of the Clarkson Outing Club, or at least my brother "Don't get dead."

Hopefully everyone else has been well whoever is reading this. I may try and pick up the pace with my blogging again, but I make no promises. If not, sorry man. If I do, yay man! Later folks.

-dswain